Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
