thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
