I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize