weddingsv make me drug and hornr
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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