We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
