Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
