I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Drunk is not a location!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
