he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
