toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
