just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He passed out mid-signature
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
