the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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