If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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