Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just forgot I was standing up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
