She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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