you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
