I heard we made out
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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