the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
