the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize