I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
