he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize