wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
