I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
