he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
