He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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