Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
