The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
