made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
