is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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