apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
