do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize