dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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