shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
