Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize