im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
