On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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