just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Randomize
