I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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