Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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