1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
