The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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