A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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