I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
