Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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