I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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