i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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