i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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