I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I just sharted jello shots
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