just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
