I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
