So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
