His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
