You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
