You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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