Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
