Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
