Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
