so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
