This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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