how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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