All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
