You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We got so high we made milksteak
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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