Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
