I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
