then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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